Humans with broken relationships are as common as the air. They are all around us and are inescapable. Therefore, we need to know what to do about broken relationships. God dealt with this brokenness by sending a mediator. Our relationship with Him was so broken that we needed a go-between, a mediator (1 Tim. 2:5). I’m thankful that He sent one! Aren’t you?
Obviously, therefore, the concept of mediation is central to biblical thinking related to relationships–especially to our most important relationship with God. Do you know of any human relationships that are so broken that a mediator is needed? I do. But, this takes special skills that typically are not taught in counseling training. Some relationships are so broken they need a mediator, not just a counselor. Please allow me to repeat that. Some relationships are so broken they need a mediator, not just a counselor.
I find it interesting though that many biblical counselors do not know about mediation as a ministry tool or have not seen the need.
Why I Needed Mediation Skills in Addition to My Counseling Training
I have been doing biblical counseling for a long time and cannot comprehend doing ministry without the tools learned from The Institute for Christian Conciliation and taught at The School of Mediation at First Baptist Jacksonville.
Praise God that through mediation I have had the privilege of seeing families and church leaders reconciled with one another. I have seen spouses humble themselves, ask forgiveness, receive forgiveness, and have a safe process to work through the issues that were causing division.
In order to provide biblical mediation, I needed to learn:
- How to hear what the real issues are that people are in conflict about.
- A methodology for understanding what questions need answers so that issues can be resolved.
- A methodology for brainstorming solutions to issues that are causing division.
- A methodology to follow that provides guidelines that keep the process predictable and stable when people are feeling it is unpredictable and volatile.
- The ability to build relationships so that conflicted parties feel safe, especially the reluctant parties.
- How to write up agreements so that they are official documents.
You may ask, “Are you really saying that my counseling skills are not enough for some situations?” Yes. There are some situations that are better suited to mediation and those require mediation skills.
If you are interested in reading more thoughts on biblical mediation please see another article titled, The Beauty of Mediation as a Ministry Tool.
Assessing Our Ability to Mediate
As we consider the necessity of understanding biblical mediation, reflect upon the following questions:
- Are you familiar with The Rules of Procedure of the Institute for Christian Conciliation?
- Do you know about the Standard of Conduct for Christian Conciliators?
- Do you have a methodology to follow?
- Would you know what to do to intervene in a church conflict?
- Do you have a process (a methodology) to follow to get people ready for and to lead people through a multi-day mediation?
- Do you know what to do when one party desires reconciliation but the other does not feel safe or will not buy into the process?
An Invitation
Would you consider coming to The School of Mediation?
If you are already ACBC certified this training meets the requirements of and prepares you for the specialization exam. It even goes beyond the requirements of ACBC and teaches you how to lead a mediation.
Testimonies
“I thoroughly enjoyed the School of Mediation as it opened my eyes … to understanding many levels of conflict…. Watching how God can take the process and help two people (or more) resolve their conflicts and move toward reconciliation truly excites me. It is invaluable training.”
~ Marilyn Kirkpatrick, Director of Women’s Ministries and ACBC certified counselor
“The School of Mediation is excellent training! It provided me with the tools and understanding I needed to help people who desire reconciliation. The class is great as it walks you through the process from beginning to end …. So helpful!”
~ Shirley Elliot, MABC from The Master’s University and ACBC certified counselor
What You Learn at The School of Mediation
Students at The School of Mediation:
- Learn how to do a biblical “x-ray” into relationships. This is based upon biblical principles for diagnosing why the individuals are in conflict.
- Learn how to get people ready for mediation and help each see and own his or her own contribution to the problem.
- Learn and practice skills related to mediation which will improve the student’s counseling skills.
- Learn and practice biblical principles related to reconciliation and mediation based upon Pursuing Peace, taught by the author Robert Jones.
- Discuss the issue of forgiveness in-depth.
- Discuss how to help rebuild trust in broken relationships.
- Learn how to write a Memorandum of Understanding (“Redemptive Agreements”) that summarizes agreements.
- Learn and practice an in-depth methodology for holding a multi-day mediation that leads conflicted people to reconciliation by the end of the time together.
More information about The School of Mediation can be found here.
If you are already ACBC certified, this training meets the basic training requirements of The Institute for Christian Conciliation and you may be able to enter into the mentored supervision phase to become ICC certified. The training includes mentored feedback from the instructors.
Final Thoughts
Mediation provides us with another tool for learning how to serve others well. I like to think of it as “washing feet” (John 13). It fleshes out the gospel as we see individuals reconcile and practice repentance and forgiveness. We learn how to better hear the “interests” of others (Phil. 2:3-5) and to do cooperative negotiating rather than competitive.
We need more mediators. Please consider joining us at The School of Mediation.
Question for Reflection
What questions does the idea of learning mediation skills as a necessary tool raise?